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Kaga simpson
Peacehaven, East Sussex
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631 of 647  Mon 17th Apr 2017 5:42pm  
Member: Joined Sep 2014  Total posts:1539

The satnav in our car happens to be me My wife does the driving without my advice you see On holiday in Cannes, we heard of the race track With its twists and dangerous bends so My wife's eyes lit up, let's hire a car, give it a go. Too dangerous, it's for the pro's, not for the likes of us My wife glared at me, God, you do make a fuss. But I held firm, gave her no slack We ended up walking every inch of the track Except for the last two hundred yards or so Where pedestrians were not allowed to go. One year on, in Majorca for awhile We have to hire a car if you want to see the isle And so she drove me to the other side We spotted a sign, 'Snakes Pass' it said She stopped the car, 'You in or out' I nodded my head. Completed safely with glee From that day on, not another 'peep' out of me.
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JohnnieWalker
Canberra, Australia
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632 of 647  Tue 18th Apr 2017 8:03am  
Member: Joined Jul 2011  Total posts:204

Memo to Rob - maybe we need a "Like" button? When LesMac and Kaga send in little gems like these recent ones, I'm forced to spend lots of time thinking of a worthy response, when really a "Like" would probably be acceptable!
True Blue Coventry Kid

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Rob Orland
Historic Coventry
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633 of 647  Wed 19th Apr 2017 8:29pm  
Webmaster: Joined Jan 2010  Total posts:837

Oops, nearly missed this one, sorry! That could be a really good idea actually Johnnie - but if only it was as simple as just adding a "Like" button to the page! It'll take a bit of thinking about, as we'd need the button to only be available to signed in members, and also record the IP address of each member who clicks the button for each individual post, and then monitor if anyone pressing it has already done so previously for that post, to prevent one person just refreshing the page lots of times to bump up the score, and also disable the button for anyone's own post.... etc. But apart from that, plus any other things I haven't yet thought about.... it should be quite simple, so I'll give it a go some time! Lol Thumbs up
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Dreamtime
Perth Western Australia
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634 of 647  Thu 20th Apr 2017 2:28am  
Off-topic / chat  

Midland Red

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Thread starter
635 of 647  Thu 20th Apr 2017 7:58am  
Off-topic / chat  

Rob Orland
Historic Coventry
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636 of 647  Fri 21st Apr 2017 2:15pm  
Webmaster: Joined Jan 2010  Total posts:837

On 18th Apr 2017 8:03am, JohnnieWalker said: Memo to Rob - maybe we need a "Like" button? When LesMac and Kaga send in little gems like these recent ones, I'm forced to spend lots of time thinking of a worthy response, when really a "Like" would probably be acceptable!
Well, I've given it a go... let's see if it works! Wink Currently, it's a "one way" thing though - one click of the thumbs-up symbol adds a "like" - but it cannot be undone.
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Kaga simpson
Peacehaven, East Sussex
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637 of 647  Fri 21st Apr 2017 5:36pm  
Member: Joined Sep 2014  Total posts:1539

There was a camping shop behind the gas showrooms. A girl asked the salesman if they sold 'hammocks'. "Yes what exactly are you looking for?" "Well something big enough for me, but strong enough for two." Two mates unwrapped a bacon butty in the pub. "Do you like the end bits?" "Not particu'ly". So he cut it in half, and gave himself and his mate half each.
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Garlands Joke Shop
Coventry
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638 of 647  Fri 21st Apr 2017 8:28pm  
Member: Joined Feb 2014  Total posts:145

Think the like button is a fantastic idea - Well done Rob on implementing it- I wouldn't know where to start Thumbs up Thanks as always for hosting and maintaining this brilliant forum. Smile
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Rob Orland
Historic Coventry
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639 of 647  Fri 21st Apr 2017 9:47pm  
Webmaster: Joined Jan 2010  Total posts:837

You're very kind, thank you.... but a big thanks is also due to Johnnie Walker for suggesting such a good idea. Thumbs up
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Old Lincolnian
Coventry
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640 of 647  Fri 21st Apr 2017 10:39pm  
Member: Joined Sep 2012  Total posts:430

When I was a kid we had an allotment and I once asked the old man who had the next plot what the difference was between a weed and a flower. He said, if you pull a plant up and it grows back again then it's a weed, if it doesn't grow back it was a flower.
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Kaga simpson
Peacehaven, East Sussex
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641 of 647  Sun 23rd Apr 2017 11:50am  
Member: Joined Sep 2014  Total posts:1539

'arry; 'as the gaffer been arstin' for me eh? Bill (foreman); No he hasn't. And what do you mean by coming to work at this time of day? 'arry (after a pause); 'ere, 'as the gaffer been arst fer me eh? Bill (sharply); No I tell you, he 'asn't 'arry; Did 'e say wha' for? Bill; You got no etiket, swearing before a lady 'arry; Well 'ow did I know she wanted to swear first Bill; Hear tell you be going to Australia to see your brother 'arry; Yeh, and I be feared of going Bill; It's a very long way to be going at your age 'arry; Yes I knows that, but I be goin' to break my journey at my married sister's Bill; At your sister's? 'arry; Yes, she's at Rugby True stories of people I knew.
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Roger Turner
Torksey
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642 of 647  Sun 23rd Apr 2017 12:22pm  
Member: Joined Aug 2014  Total posts:448

Kaga. You got a new system "click" from me, but I must tell you a loud guffaw to the middle one burst out of me. It must be the way you tell `em Thumbs up Thumbs up
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pixrobin
Canley
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643 of 647  Thu 27th Apr 2017 8:08am  
Member: Joined Mar 2014  Total posts:982

Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss League records were destroyed in a fire, and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
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Wimero
Nr Rugby
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644 of 647  Sun 30th Apr 2017 1:08pm  
Member: Joined Mar 2015  Total posts:144

A man walks into a pub and sees three men and a dog playing poker. He says to the barman, ''Blimey that must be one really clever dog''. ''Not really'' says the barman. ''Everytime he gets a good hand his little tail starts wagging''.
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Kaga simpson
Peacehaven, East Sussex
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645 of 647  Wed 3rd May 2017 11:37am  
Member: Joined Sep 2014  Total posts:1539

The farm track led from the main road past the old farmhouse a mile away and then on another half-mile to a country lane. On the opposite side of the track to the farm was an old brick building that had been the old tool shed, next to that was the hen house, both had seen better days. It was a warm August morning - in the kitchen of the farm sat semi-retired farmer George Jones enjoying his mid-day glass of beer and the morning paper, his dog lay close by. Through the window sailed a happy little fly - the fly repeatedly crossed his brow and the paper, he brushed it aside. Mr Jones at last rose from his chair, crunched the newspaper and swiped. The beer glass crashed to the floor, the dog barked, his wife at the kitchen sink jumped, then rushed out of the door to find the mop, accompanied by the fly. The dog started to lick the beer, Jones swung his hob-nailed boot at the dog's rump, the dog yelped then ran out of the door, tripping up the wife who dropped the mop bucket on her husband's toes, the dog tore down the yard and across the farm track, just as Jones's son was about to pass on his tractor. The boy turned the wheel hard to the right, jumped off the back of the tractor to tend the dog, the tractor careered on, smashing like a battering ram into the tool shed, that collapsed in an ear-splitting roar. When the dust had cleared they saw the hen house had been flattened also. They gave no heed to the torn web of a spider with a flattened fly in the kitchen porch.
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