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Earlsdon Kid
Argyll & Bute, Scotland
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751 of 792  Thu 19th Mar 2020 9:46pm  
Member: Joined Apr 2017  Total posts:73

On 19th Mar 2020 7:58pm, Helen F said: As a sort of a hobby I collect insults for stupid people, eg: A few sarnies short of a picnic A few sticks short of a bundle The light's on but nobody's home A few chips short of a butty If his brains were dynamite, he couldn't knock his hat off You could shine a light through his earholes She's got all her chairs but half of them are rockers His lift doesn't go all the way to the top floor
Great hobby, Helen! This is a rather loose connection, however, this rendition came to mind when I read you list; 'Slightly Mad' Edited by member, 19th Mar 2020 9:48 pm
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Helen F
Warrington
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752 of 792  Thu 19th Mar 2020 10:42pm  
Moderator: Joined Mar 2013  Total posts:2116

That's a new one for me and spot on. Thumbs up There is an overlap with madness. I don't collect these to use, but just because they play with words. Not the sharpest tool in the box Not the brightest fairy light on the tree 2 stops before Dagenham … Barking Not playing with the full deck Couldn't find his botty with both hands A few peperonis short of a pizza.
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Dreamtime
Perth Western Australia
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753 of 792  Fri 20th Mar 2020 5:17am  
Member: Joined Jan 2010  Total posts:3521

Here's one no one has ever heard before :- Why are you not out there digging Helen ! Big grin
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PhilipInCoventry
Holbrooks
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754 of 792  Fri 20th Mar 2020 10:33am  
Moderator: Joined Apr 2010  Total posts:4324

Good morning. Now repairing toilet rolls.
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Wimero
Nr Rugby
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755 of 792  Sat 21st Mar 2020 9:54am  
Member: Joined Mar 2015  Total posts:173

I'm giving up drinking for a month. Sorry, that came out all wrong. Should read...... I'm giving up. Drinking for a month. Cheers
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Midland Red
Cherwell
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Thread starter
756 of 792  Sat 21st Mar 2020 11:25am  
Moderator: Joined Jan 2010  Total posts:5585

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Kaga simpson
Peacehaven, East Sussex
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757 of 792  Sat 21st Mar 2020 11:51am  
Member: Joined Sep 2014  Total posts:3565

Here she stood at the bottom of my bed, attractive twenty-something, nice smile, lovely smooth skin, fantastic figure, the most deep blue-eyes, summer frock, when she said, 'I'm going to have to get on your bed' My wife laughed. I was 88 years old and had a mild stroke. She was my phyisio.
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petunia
Coventry
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758 of 792  Sat 21st Mar 2020 7:56pm  
Member: Joined Jan 2017  Total posts:9

Today my sister who lives in Norfolk sent me an email entitled 'Kitchen roll crisis averted in Norfolk' My sister then went on to say that her better half had accidentally knocked their kitchen roll into the washing up, she was not best pleased, whereby she demanded that he pegged each piece onto the line to dry. Which he duly did! (Anyone who has tried to purchase a kitchen roll recently will relate to this!)
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Wimero
Nr Rugby
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759 of 792  Sun 22nd Mar 2020 9:08am  
Member: Joined Mar 2015  Total posts:173

When my grandad reached 70 he decided to start running a mile everyday to keep fit. He's 75 now and we have no idea where he is. Wink
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Midland Red
Cherwell
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Thread starter
760 of 792  Sun 22nd Mar 2020 6:17pm  
Moderator: Joined Jan 2010  Total posts:5585

The pagan festival at Stonehenge for the Spring Solstice was cancelled in accordance with government advice. A spokesman for the Druids said, "We all have to make sacrifices".
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Midland Red
Cherwell
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Thread starter
761 of 792  Thu 26th Mar 2020 11:01am  
Moderator: Joined Jan 2010  Total posts:5585

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Helen F
Warrington
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762 of 792  Thu 26th Mar 2020 11:14am  
Moderator: Joined Mar 2013  Total posts:2116

LOL MR and embarrassingly true. Lol Blush Lol The cooker only gets adjusted when there has been a power cut. I know that to stop it flashing and make the oven work I have to press two (unlabelled) buttons together. I still don't know which two but much pushing of buttons eventually sorts it. * The car clock is due to be right on the switchover, it'll be wrong again in 6 months. * the concept of pressing two buttons allowed me to work out that to open or close the wing mirrors on my Dad's car, I needed to press the two wing mirror adjustment buttons together. My excuse is - I only have a BEng in Electrical and Electronic Engineering plus a hammer and not the full masters. Lol PS, engineers only read the instructions if winging it is likely to break something very expensive. Edited by member, 26th Mar 2020 11:16 am
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argon
New Milton
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763 of 792  Thu 26th Mar 2020 11:21am  
Member: Joined Jun 2016  Total posts:345

MR, the instruction for the sundial looks a bit expensive, I think I will leave it, it will correct itself in six months
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Slim
Another Coventry kid
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764 of 792  Thu 26th Mar 2020 2:24pm  
Member: Joined Mar 2013  Total posts:660

On 26th Mar 2020 11:14am, Helen F said: My excuse is - I only have a BEng in Electrical and Electronic Engineering plus a hammer and not the full masters. Lol PS, engineers only read the instructions if winging it is likely to break something very expensive.
True. Having had an engineering upbringing since aged 5, I hate it when things are unnecessarily complicated (like automated telephone answering machines, that keep you waiting for several minutes listening to advertising rubbish, then give you a menu which does not come close to the thing you want to discuss, and why do they love a young man with a smarmy voice...?). The simplest designs are usually more reliable - less to go wrong. Keep it simple, I say.
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Slim
Another Coventry kid
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765 of 792  Thu 26th Mar 2020 2:41pm  
Member: Joined Mar 2013  Total posts:660

On 22nd Mar 2020 6:17pm, Midland Red said: The pagan festival at Stonehenge for the Spring Solstice was cancelled in accordance with government advice. A spokesman for the Druids said, "We all have to make sacrifices".
Stone me! Reminds me of an event many years ago. We were on a coach trip/guided tour of that area, and had stopped for lunch at Avebury. It was a hot sunny day, and I went into the pub's bar to get drinks. There was a queue, and a couple came in just after me and joined the queue. There were probably not that old, but looked to me like middle-aged hippies. The man and his female companion were both very scruffy, old tatty jeans, he had tatty trainers, unshaven for a week or two, his face looked like he hadn't had a wash for weeks, both had empty pint glasses and were smoking foul-smelling cigarettes, she had really dirty bare feet... they looked liked tramps. The bloke smiled at me and said "'appy belting, mate!". Readers will know from my school posts that I was... am a philistine. I thought it must be some local greeting, and having judged that he had already shifted some ale, thought it best to humour him, so replied "and happy belting to you too". He never said a word, but I can remember the look of disbelief/insult on his face. I later learned that he had wished me a happy Beltane! Big grin
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