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Slim
Another Coventry kid
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751 of 763  Wed 5th Jun 2019 9:05am  
Member: Joined Mar 2013  Total posts:534

A wise person once said "one door closes, and another door opens". He was a brilliant philosopher. But a rubbish cabinet-maker.
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Kaga simpson
Peacehaven, East Sussex
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752 of 763  Mon 17th Jun 2019 9:19am  
Member: Joined Sep 2014  Total posts:3058

Wartime queueing, and serious. "I had nothing in the house to give my husband yesterday, so he had vegetables. And do you know, in the evening, he was quite limp". "Hello Mary, you don't look too good". "It's my husband Joe. He was up all night, fair worn me out". "Do you have a small loaf?" Baker: "Haven't had flour for over a week". "Can I have a few cakes then?"
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Kaga simpson
Peacehaven, East Sussex
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753 of 763  Wed 19th Jun 2019 6:53pm  
Member: Joined Sep 2014  Total posts:3058

A guy in Brighton decided to take his family to Scotland for a holiday, but the granny said, "You're not leaving me here on my own", so they took her to Scotland with them. But granny died whilst on holiday. The guy asked the price to bring her back to Brighton - huge price - so the guy bought a big cardboard box, put granny in, tied it on the roof rack and headed back to Brighton. But they stopped at a restaurant. Came out - the car was missing, stolen. The police and insurance had a nightmare trying to solve the problem.
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Helen F
Warrington
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754 of 763  Wed 19th Jun 2019 8:19pm  
Member: Joined Mar 2013  Total posts:1571

I may have told this story before but Kaga's tale reminded me. About 30 years ago my mum, dad, aged aunt and I were driving back from holiday. On the way we'd stopped off and my aunt had bought a potted hydrangea from M&S wrapped in one of those plastic cones. Not wanting it to be squashed, she sat with it on her lap. I dosed next to her on the back seat half listening to a dreary radio play when one of the characters said 'you can't meet her, she's dead'. I half woke up and turned to my aunt to discover her face first in the plastic cone with the sides fully folded round her head. She wasn't moving. My first instinct was to scream but I was aware we were hurtling along the M1 in summer holiday traffic. So I gargled a very soft 'help, help, help' like an episode of the Goon Show. I vigorously shook my aunt and dragged the bag out from her alarmingly firm grip. I'd no idea how long she'd been in there and feared the worst. Oh my Slowly she came round while my mum's asking 'what, what?' thinking my muted screams were about me. Dad pulled off at the next service station and we made sure my aunt was fully re-oxygenated and at that point our sense of humour started to return. We speculated how we'd have explained it to the police but dad came up with the best 'at the funeral, it would have been 'no flowers, by request'.'
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PhilipInCoventry
Holbrooks
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755 of 763  Thu 11th Jul 2019 11:14am  
Moderator: Joined Apr 2010  Total posts:4189

Morning all, what have we got here! Wave
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Dreamtime
Perth Western Australia
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756 of 763  Fri 12th Jul 2019 1:06pm  
Member: Joined Jan 2010  Total posts:3332

I have heard of 'cut backs' but that's going too far. Lol How many did they make?
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PeterB
Mount Nod
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757 of 763  Sat 13th Jul 2019 1:44am  
Member: Joined May 2014  Total posts:211

French Police on Segways - Nice (Complete with flashing blue light).
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Midland Red
Cherwell
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Thread starter
758 of 763  Mon 16th Sep 2019 8:34am  
Moderator: Joined Jan 2010  Total posts:5385

Have a laugh!
Heathite
Coventry
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759 of 763  Mon 16th Sep 2019 9:48am  
Member: Joined Aug 2012  Total posts:597

Very reassuring . .
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Kaga simpson
Peacehaven, East Sussex
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760 of 763  Mon 16th Sep 2019 10:40am  
Member: Joined Sep 2014  Total posts:3058

Midland Red, looks as if it's going to be tough for Welsh ponies - 'Dragon Butties'.
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zigzag
cornwall
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761 of 763  Tue 17th Sep 2019 8:36am  
Member: Joined Dec 2013  Total posts:111

I wonder. Is she telling lies? Lol
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Kaga simpson
Peacehaven, East Sussex
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762 of 763  Sun 29th Sep 2019 2:25pm  
Member: Joined Sep 2014  Total posts:3058

Before the turn of the century Brighton decided to have a nudist beach, one mile from the pier. They bulldozed the beach in a high wall of stones about 8ft high by 6ft and approx 200-300ft long, to stop cars from stopping to take photos. But one man was well built, one day he painted - in blue/black, like a sausage balloon, until a small kid fishing, with net on a cane, used the cane to prod the balloon.
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pixrobin
Canley
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763 of 763  Wed 9th Oct 2019 7:03am  
Member: Joined Mar 2014  Total posts:1114

Did you hear about the medieval prior who died from self-flagellation. The monks had a whip round for him.
Have a laugh!

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