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Picking up the pieces & carrying on

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PhilipInCoventry
Holbrooks
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1 of 18  Sat 20th Feb 2016 6:29pm  
Moderator: Joined Apr 2010  Total posts:4112

Hi all Wave A former member of teaching staff, sadly no longer alive, once told me that a goal had been scored in teaching, if a student had the ability to pick up the pieces & carry on, following an unhappy event, a tragedy or trauma of what ever kind. I was reminded of this when in conversation with a member at the breakfast meeting this morning. It's not easy sharing personal details on an open forum, but I would always like to think & I do believe that our forum has a heart & soul to be able to give some comfort to those in need when needed. Unhappy events can be so varied, like family affairs which Pam & I are facing now. Some that we can do nothing about, except live with it or turn our backs to it. I listened to weekend woman's hour this afternoon, where a US mum has published a book on how she has to live with being a mum of a suicide son, who took out so many others in a US mass shooting, back in 1999. This week, I met a middle aged lady who is glued to her wheelchair, suffering from progressive osteoporosis. She has already lost her cheek bones & has to wear a mask, yet is so cheerful saying that she is tendering for a part in Phantom of the Opera. Once she loses her jaw bone, she won't be able to say anything. These events, particularly of this week, put in perspective for me just what some folk have to go through. Do you have experiences of picking up the pieces & carrying on?
Picking up the pieces & carrying on
TonyS
Coventry
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2 of 18  Sat 20th Feb 2016 7:23pm  
Moderator: Joined Jan 2011  Total posts:1568

Hi Philip, Gosh what a thought-provoking post! As many may know I lost my wife very close to three years ago now. I think its amazing how many people say something along the lines of... "don't worry, you'll get over it". Well let me tell you, you don't. Some while ago I came up with this:-
Bereavement is not an illness that you can just get over. Bereavement is an amputation that you simply have to learn to cope with.
Your question about "picking up the pieces" is most apt where bereavement is concerned as after losing a loved one life is never, ever the same again. I think what people mustn't do on these occasions is to ignore someone who has suffered any tragedy (be it bereavement, family issues etc) assuming they need some time to themselves to "get over it". Trust me, they haven't. Don't ignore them, whether it's a phone-call or popping round for a cuppa - it really does help. I'm sure this very forum is a lifeline for many, an assembly of friends where they can feel welcome, raising a smile at the end of a difficult day. I hope it never changes.
Picking up the pieces & carrying on
Janey
Keresley
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3 of 18  Sat 20th Feb 2016 8:46pm  
Member: Joined Aug 2014  Total posts:155

Oh, two lovely posts. My sister lost her partner last October to cancer but I am really proud of the way she has carried on with her life and is now able to come on short holidays with me and is able to laugh again. She always says that the little dog they had together, and which she still has, has kept her going. She also got involved with the church again and says she feels a great comfort in going as when she is there she is able to shut out all the bad things in the world.
Picking up the pieces & carrying on
Helen F
Warrington
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4 of 18  Sat 20th Feb 2016 9:21pm  
Member: Joined Mar 2013  Total posts:1252

I can directly thank this site for helping me pick up the pieces and carry on. When I first started coming here I'd been caring for my Aunt and parents for some time and anyone who knows what dementia is like, can imagine how isolating it can be, not to mention devastating to lose your closest relatives and friends. I knew that I needed to look outwards, even before the end. Searching the net, visiting the Herbert, solving the puzzles and even reading grumbles about Coventry town planners has been gently therapeutic. Much appreciated. From an idle fancy that made me follow a picture link (or 20) to this site I got hooked on a great historical mystery trip. It's taken me to Carlisle in the north and Canterbury, Sandwich, Faversham and more in the south. While visiting Coventry I started going to the Belgrade again and even run a little group there now for a good murder mystery. I've even begun learning new skills on the computer to try and master 3D and that's the best fun ever! The only sad thing is that I know Mum and Dad would have loved this project. Dad would have ferried us all about to study old buildings. Mum would have salivated over the art works I've seen. They'd both be enthusiastic and insightful about the computer stuff. They'd have tucked into a bacon butty with you on a few Saturdays. They'd thank you guys too for helping me with this very entertaining distraction.
Picking up the pieces & carrying on
Roger Turner
Torksey
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5 of 18  Sat 20th Feb 2016 9:52pm  
Member: Joined Aug 2014  Total posts:568

Today is the 4th anniversary of the day I lost my wife. I miss her every day and like Jack in "New Tricks" say goodnight to her every night. But, inadvertently it is Heather that is helping me to get over it or at least to cope. We met at the Locarno on 7th April 1961, I was in the Merchant Navy and went away for a 6th month trip to West Africa and the East coast of the USA at the end of April, returned approx. October and then went away on another vessel. During this period we carried out our courting or at least getting to know each other via letters. Unknown to me Heather saved quite a lot of both of our letters and you have no idea, how many topics we discussed, The election of Kennedy UN Gen sec Dag Hammerskold loss, what we thought of the "Common Market" and how we were putative members of UKIP, before this country even went into it, the books we loved, she was taking speech & drama exams and we discussed her capabilities as a theatre critic, the people we both worked with,. We made each other laugh, in fact I am still reading and laughing at some of the tales, and my "bits of cheek" and maybe juvenile prejudices (didn`t like women who wore hats, and I wasn`t particularly fond of the WI) It`s all as fresh as the days we wrote them, and the thing is - neither of us was physically there for the other - maybe 3000 miles apart. Well, she`s just that bit further away now - but she is still "There" (and her dog is still here, together with our two Daughters of whom we are very fond and proud) I remember one of the stories she told me of one of the married girls she worked with. "What does your husband work at Prim?" "Oh! he digs holes; and when he`s not digging them he`s minding them" Cheers
Picking up the pieces & carrying on
woodford
coventry
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6 of 18  Sat 20th Feb 2016 9:53pm  
Member: Joined Feb 2013  Total posts:171

Thankyou all for this. Wave We all need to be brave in some way don't we? I always know I can come on here when I need company Oh my
Picking up the pieces & carrying on
Dreamtime
Perth Western Australia
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7 of 18  Sun 21st Feb 2016 8:40am  
Member: Joined Jan 2010  Total posts:3211

That's why I am always on here Woodford and what a great tonic it is, so it's a big thank you from me too. Bless you all. Wave
Picking up the pieces & carrying on
Davey
Coventry
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8 of 18  Sun 21st Feb 2016 11:24am  
Member: Joined Jan 2011  Total posts:69

Lovely words, Folks. Sending you all best wishes and one day I'll turn up for Breakfast. Not feeling too happy at the moment, so it's good to be reminded that we're all struggling with something.
DavidT

Picking up the pieces & carrying on
Kaga simpson
Peacehaven, East Sussex
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9 of 18  Sun 21st Feb 2016 12:46pm  
Member: Joined Sep 2014  Total posts:2532

Yes, what a wonderful topic, this forum is a tonic in itself, it makes you feel you have welcome friends, and is a great comfort.
Picking up the pieces & carrying on
Dreamtime
Perth Western Australia
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10 of 18  Sun 21st Feb 2016 12:48pm  
Member: Joined Jan 2010  Total posts:3211

Sorry to hear that Davey, keep your chin up. Wave
Picking up the pieces & carrying on
Midland Red
Cherwell
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11 of 18  Sun 21st Feb 2016 8:03pm  
Moderator: Joined Jan 2010  Total posts:5121

I'm sitting watching a great example of the title of this thread - in the 2016 Daytona 500. It features two-time winner Dale Earnhardt Jnr, who also finished 2nd in the 2001 race, in which his father, the great Dale Earnhardt, lost his life in a last-lap crash. These drivers are brave at the best of times, but imagine returning to the site of your father's death to compete in subsequent races. Oh my
Picking up the pieces & carrying on
Old Lincolnian
Coventry
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12 of 18  Sun 21st Feb 2016 8:29pm  
Member: Joined Sep 2012  Total posts:497

As I posted on the Cancer Day thread I lost both my daughter and brother last year and expect I will spend the rest of my life "picking up the pieces". One of the hardest things is people (especially casual acquaintances, neighbours etc) don't know what to say to you or are frightened of upsetting you so say nothing or avoid you. Please don't be afraid to! Talking is a great therapy. It's okay to ask somebody "How they feel" and talk about their loss and to remember the good times. It helps to remember the people for who they really were - not what they became. Maudlin part over Cheers
Picking up the pieces & carrying on
Mike H
London Ontario, Canada
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13 of 18  Thu 10th Mar 2016 8:48pm  
Member: Joined Apr 2012  Total posts:440

I have now been diagnosed as having a bad case of Osteoporosis. There are drugs and other stuff that one can take to alleviate the effects, and these I will have to take. In maybe three months, I will be walking away from the relationship of convenience that I have been trapped in the last 13 years. I would do it now but I am having to wait for a 'trust' to mature.

Life is going to be anything but easy, but I owe it to myself to go down fighting at least. For the last 40 or so years, I have shut down feelings as were necessary to stop emotional pain suffered when I was 18 years old. I am re-awakening them again, and with not a great deal to my name, aged 63, a cancer survivor for now, and falling apart at the seams, I will resume the search for peace and a partner whom I love and will love me, somebody who will put their arrns around me and tell me that everything will be alright even though it might not be.. Apologies for the emotional outburst but these are difficult times for me and nothing is making them any easier..

Picking up the pieces & carrying on
Dreamtime
Perth Western Australia
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14 of 18  Thu 10th Mar 2016 10:40pm  
Member: Joined Jan 2010  Total posts:3211

You are a very brave gentleman, Mike, more so for speaking out to us. For what they are worth I send you a million hugs and heartfelt good wishes, so you must take each day as they come, but there is no need to tell you that I know. You have fought this far so stay strong. Thumbs up Wave
Picking up the pieces & carrying on
Old Lincolnian
Coventry
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15 of 18  Fri 11th Mar 2016 1:35pm  
Member: Joined Sep 2012  Total posts:497

No apologies necessary Mike. I can only echo what Dreamtime has said. Keep fighting on a daily basis. You should be applauded because very few men would have the courage to be as honest as you have been. Thumbs up
Picking up the pieces & carrying on

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