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Midland Red
Cherwell
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676 of 678  Thu 16th Nov 2017 8:46am  
Moderator: Joined Jan 2010  Total posts:4541

A French policeman stops an Englishman's car and asks if he has been drinking. With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married that morning, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception, and many single malt whiskeys thereafter. Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to breath test the Englishman and verifies that he is indeed totally sloshed. He asks the Englishman if he knows why, under French Law, he is going to be arrested. The Englishman answers "No sir, I do not! But while we're asking questions, do you realize that this is a British car and that my wife is driving . . . . . on the other side?"
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Midland Red
Cherwell
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677 of 678  Fri 17th Nov 2017 8:01am  
Moderator: Joined Jan 2010  Total posts:4541

Les asked his wife, if he died would she remarry? His wife thought about it and said "Well I suppose so". "And would you and him sleep in our bed?" His wife thought again and said "Well it makes sense" Les pressed on and asked "Would you make love to him?" "Of course" replied his wife, "as he would be my husband then". "How about my golf clubs?" asked Les, "Would you give those to him?" His wife shook her head and said "There wouldn't be any point, he's left handed".
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Midland Red
Cherwell
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678 of 678  Sat 18th Nov 2017 8:25am  
Moderator: Joined Jan 2010  Total posts:4541

God Loves Drunk People Too A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it's 3:00 in the morning and it's bloomin' well pouring with rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember, about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too you know." The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing," the drunk replied.
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